


Compulsive Mess of Him

by thatgaystraightgirl



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Book Canon Boris (in some ways), Boys Being Boys, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Head Scatches, Las Vegas Era (The Goldfinch), M/M, Mentioned Physical Abuse, Sleepy Cuddles, Theo’s POV, Toxic Relationship, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, actually just theo and boris being theo and boris, boys being gay, high school parties, oh i almost forgot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29665347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgaystraightgirl/pseuds/thatgaystraightgirl
Summary: “I was about to pull away, when the tv screen went black and I saw his reflection. He had his eyes closed, he was sleeping. I allowed myself to soothingly scratch his head and run my hands through his hair, more confident now knowing he probably wouldn’t remember this tomorrow. Eventually I passed out as well, with my legs crossed and Boris’ head on my lap.”
Relationships: Kotku/Boris Pavlikovsky, Theodore Decker & Boris Pavlikovsky, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Kudos: 5





	Compulsive Mess of Him

**Author's Note:**

> my soul reasoning for making this fic is because i noticed how EXTREMELY under used the tag “Head Scratches” is. So I started writing, and I don’t know when I’ll stop, but I hope you enjoy. :)

\- So? Are we at a party tonight or not? - said the thick accent I had grown familiar to. - We should pass by Kotku’s to let her know we’re going - Boris added before I could even respond.  
Great, I thought. The one time a day he still spends some time with me (on our ways from the bus stop to our houses, that is when he even goes to school at all), he brings up fucking Kotku yet again.  
\- She’s going to the party? - I asked, trying not to show how annoyed that made me, and apparently failing.  
\- Don’t be jealous Potter! I have space enough in heart for both of you! - he said, smug smile on his face as he stared at me, scanning my face.  
\- Oh, fuck off! - I said rolling my eyes and punching his arm, even more annoyed. All I got in response was a small fit of laughter, smug smile still in place.  
\- Right, but we go or not? - he said once he finally stopped laughing.  
I looked to the distance for a bit as we walked, trying to weigh the pros and cons. Going to the party would mean having something to do, free booze and drugs, and you know being with fun people, or... fun person. It would also mean having to endure the constant pet names and clinginess and just overall discomfort that was to be around Boris and Kotku together.  
\- Come on, it will be fun! - said Boris, getting impatient and returning the arm punch, but with less force than I had.  
On the other hand not going would mean spending an afternoon alone at home, with nothing to do and no one to talk to. - Alright, I’ll go. -  
\- To Kotku’s then! - Boris exclaimed, I could hear a smile on his voice.

\- Hi baby! - Kotku said, eyes beaming at Boris as soon as she opened the door. It didn’t take another second before they were all over each other. I could see their tongues intertwining between them. I looked down, embarrassed and disgusted.  
Thankfully it didn’t go on too long. They pulled away. - Hey Theo. - She said giving me a nod. Boris was still holding her waist and looking deep into her eyes, while she had her arms stretched up and around his neck, but now looking at me.  
\- Potter finally agreed to go to the party, we’re on. - Boris exclaimed at her, both of them with the most intense eye contact now.  
\- Great. - She said with a smile, which seemed to be more aimed at seeing him again than the fact that I was going to the party.  
\- Are we gonna go in or... - I said after at least 3 minutes of them staring at each other in dead silence in the doorway.  
\- Yeah, yeah, come on in. - She said breaking the eye contact and turning around on the spot, Boris’ large yet skinny hands followed, still on her waist as they walked. I followed them in.

The visit was torturously long, Boris and Kotku making out for the better part of 30 minutes, while I stood around and saw if there was anything to eat in her fridge. I wasn’t sure I was allowed, but I’m sure she’d blame it on Boris if she noticed the absence of her leftovers, after all Boris did love leftovers. After I had endured as much as I could of awkwardly walking around her house, I met them in the living room once again. I cleared my throat.  
\- Boris, um, we should probably get going... you know, to get ready and all. At least I have to go home before the- he cut me off before I could finish.  
\- Yes, you are right Potter. We do get carried away sometimes. - he said smiling down at Kotku, and getting up from his position on top of her on the couch.  
\- I’ll see you later, yeah? - he said with one last peck on her lips.  
\- Later. - she said, not bothering to get up to let us out.

Back at my place, I had just taken a shower, and now Boris was. I was trying to decide between my worn down jeans or the beige dress pants Mrs. Barbour had let me borrow from Platt, which I had forgotten to give back. I heard the water stream turn off. Boris always did take very quick showers, that is when he wasn’t stoned. When he was high and I was sober enough to remember it, he would often get into the bathtub fully clothed, turn the water on and stand with his head under the stream for way too long. I always wondered if, when he took his sober showers, he actually properly washed himself, though I new for a fact he didn’t use shampoo.  
I decided on the dress pants, the jeans were too old and worn out.  
\- No, Potter tell me you are not actually going to a party in that! - I heard from behind me.  
I turned around, finishing buttoning up the pants and looking in the mirror as I said  
\- What, why? What’s wrong with them? - I asked, hands stretched out in annoyance, but I couldn’t help but mirror his smile.  
\- Potter, we are not in New York, and even if we were, this is a party, not any fancy school or museum or- what would you wear those pants to anyways! They are useless! - He continued as he started getting dressed, hanging the towel that had been around his waist and putting on a pair of my boxers, though I couldn’t bring myself to care.  
What Boris had said had brought back painful memories of a past life, a whole different universe, where I cared about how I dressed, and if my hair was tamed, and I was polite and responsible to an extent. I was all of those things, and I felt joy from being presentable, a feeling I haven’t felt since I left that life behind.. I was happy to behave how she had taught me to, now it just hurt to even think about her, though I did, all the time. A wave of sadness came over me as I imagined how disappointed she would be at who i’ve become.  
It was too late to stop myself when I noticed a tear slide down my cheek. I felt like sobbing, but I wouldn’t, not with Boris here. I quickly wiped the tear away and turned back to my wardrobe. Boris didn’t seem to have noticed anything, now busy spraying deodorant everywhere in the bathroom just outside my room. I put on the old jeans and the first t-shirt I saw.

We met Kotku at her house (already a long walk away), since it was halfway to the party. The party was for some girl named Katie’s birthday, but it was at someone else’s house, who I had already forgotten the name of. I had discussed with Boris how rude it would be for us to show up uninvited, but he assured me that parties around here were all open invite. I didn’t know how much I believed that, but I ended up agreeing after how much he annoyed me with the constant “Potter you need to learn to have fun!”. I thought spending the day with him getting drunk and stoned was fun enough, but apparently it wasn’t enough for him. 

By the time we got to the house, it was starting to get dark. We had walked all the way to a different neighborhood. The houses here followed a different template than our neighborhood did, but with the same idea. We walked up to many cars parked outside. Inside, the place was packed, not as packed as the movie high school parties, we could easily walk around, but definitely open invitation as Boris had said. Boris and Kotku found some people they were “friends” with, and I stood awkwardly to the side as they talked for a while. Eventually the friends walked away and Boris turned first to Kotku, then to me. He held up a little bag with white powder between his index and middle finger and winked. I nodded approvingly.

After a few hours at the party, me and Boris were in the basement. Some other kids said they were going to play truth or dare and Boris wanted in, so I followed. Kotku stayed up with some of her other friends (which I didn’t know she had, by the way Boris talked up a big deal about how lonely Kotku would be without him, and how scared he was to leave her because what if her ex showed up), but Boris didn’t even seem to notice Kotku’s absence, or anyone’s presence for that matter. Boris always handled his alcohol and drugs pretty well, but maybe those drugs were stronger than he’s used to.  
There was a group of about 17 people in the small basement now, some watching tv, the rest in our circle on the ground playing truth or dare. No one knew me or Boris here, so we weren’t being included very often.  
\- You. - a girl said bobbing her head at Boris. - truth or dare? -  
\- Dare. - Boris’ thicker than usual voice answered.  
\- I dare you to kiss someone in this circle. - she said like it was the most normal dare on the planet, though in this game it had been a common occurrence.  
\- Anyone in the circle? - Boris asked, quirking his eyebrows. I thought I knew where this was going by the tone in his voice.  
\- Yup, your choice. - she said smirking at him.  
He sat up and leaned forward past two people to where the girl was sitting and kissed her passionately, Though I had seen it coming, I suddenly remembered that Boris had a girlfriend. - Boris you have a-  
He was back in his seat before I could finish. He looked at me, a look in his eyes I had only seen once before, when Kotku had showed up to school full of bruises.  
\- So? - Boris said, low so only heard, but still as defying as every time he spoke. He looked mad now. I didn’t answer, and thankfully the same girl saved me by saying - It’s your turn now. -

A few more rounds of truth or dare and a miserably failed game or beer pong later, we were still in the basement, with a few other people, most of them older than me and maybe older than Boris as well. I was sitting on the couch with my head back. I felt a bit dizzy, slightly wanted to throw up, so I was trying to hold still. I had lost track of where Boris had gone, I’d been sitting here for a while, but I was pretty sure he was still in the basement. I was reassured of that when I saw him stumbling towards me through my peripheral vision. He also looked like he might throw up, and he had what seemed to be a full cup of beer on his hands, and he was coming at me way too fast for how drunk he was. In a quick reflex I moved further down the couch before Boris fell onto where I was sitting, and threw up right then and there on the floor, also spilling beer everywhere. After being sure he had thrown up everything he’d eaten today he sat back slowly.  
\- That’s disgusting. It smells like shit. - I half whispered. He didn’t answer. We sat in silence for a while.  


Most of the kids went back up got the party after the game of beer pong was over. Now it was just me, Boris, and a small group of girls that were sitting in a circle in the corner, presumably still playing truth or dare. Boris grabbed the control remote from the coffee table and turned on the tv, not bothering to choose a channel. Once back on the couch he laid his head on my lap, lying over the entire couch, looking at the tv. I was a bit surprised by the behaviour but didn’t saying anything. He lifted his weight off me while I brought my legs up and crossed them, then he got comfortable again. We sat like that for a while, watching last weeks baseball game on the tv.  


I had the urge to reach down and touch his mess of curls, but I wouldn’t of course, so I just focused on the game. I thought maybe I could try to annoy him by playing with his hair though, and so I did. I played with his curls and pulled on them and tried to unknot them. He winced in pain a couple times but didn’t tell me to stop, so I tried to be gentle so I wouldn’t hurt him. Eventually I had his hair knotless enough that I could run my fingers through it, though it was a frizzy mess. I was about to pull away now that my job here was done, when the tv screen went black during a transition and I saw on his reflection. He had his eyes closed, he was sleeping. I allowed myself to soothingly scratch his head and continue running my hands through his hair, now more confident knowing he probably wouldn’t remember this. Eventually I passed out as well, with my legs crossed and Boris’ head on my lap.


End file.
